Three Bottles of Wine

There were six of us at dinner last night. It was an Italian restaurant in the East Village and we were waiting at the bar for seats outside in the garden. Mule's girlfriend was in charge of choosing the wine and she chose well. It was a bottle of ... it was red, that's all I really know. Deacon doesn't do wine, so five of us were sharing three bottles. Yeah, I know. After working very hard on a project for school, Mule was eager to relax and break out the cigar. We knew there was no smoking in the restaurant, but since we were going to be outside, we figured that it wouldn't be a problem. Until, that is, Mule decided to ask the bartender and was told that he couldn't smoke it.

MULE: But, dude, it's a CUBAN!
BARTENDER: Sorry, no. This is, after all, an ITALIAN restaurant.

Yeah, that didn't make sense to us, either.

The food came and the women in the group talked about what all women talk about when they've had two bottles of wine on an empty stomach: sex.

The subject of nuns and sex education came up. Okay, I brought it up. We were laughing about the first time we were told about what happens between a man and a woman.

ALICE: Well, our Sex Ed teacher was Sister Regina. She only said one thing to the girls: Never, never, never, let a boy touch your breasts because then you will get pregnant! She said only one thing to the boys: Never, never, never touch a girl's breast; she will get pregnant!
MULE'S GIRLFRIEND: Well, in my Catholic school, we were shown, The Miracle of Life. When I came home, my mom asked me if I saw it, I said yes and she said good. That was the discussion.
FRIEND #1: I saw the Miracle of Life, too. That's all.
FRIEND #2: My mother WAS a Sex Ed teacher and she couldn't wait until I was old enough to tell me all about it. As a matter of fact, she didn't wait. I was seven years old and she said that she just had to tell me something important. She interrupted me in the middle of my playing with my dolls. When she told me--quite excitedly-- about sex, she asked me if I had any questions. I said that I did. She was so proud and asked me what I wanted to know. I looked at her with a frown and said, Do you know where my Barbie is?
MULE: My parents still think that I don't have sex yet. And I'm in graduate school! They say that I'm still a "good boy."

Deacon wasn't adding anything to the conversation. Maybe because I was sitting right there next to him.

Friend #2 continued telling us about her mother's job as a sex educator in a Middle School setting. She loved her job, even though talking about sex to soon-to-be-unrepressed thirteen year olds was not the easiest assignment.

Especially since her name was Mrs. Weener.